Sunday, May 28, 2006

Doors Lead to Questions

Sometimes I wonder if this phase of life so riddled with decisions will ever slow down. There is so much uncertainty about life right now (particularly mine, it seems) and I don't know quite what to think of it - except that it is both frustrating and fascinating.
In two weeks I'll be in New York! It will be yet another opportunity to start over, try something new, meet new people, try new things, and learn more about all of it. Sounds exciting, huh? I am really looking forward to it. What I am not looking forward to is all of the unknown that this brings to the table - not just New York, but the whole shebang of life.

I feel like I want to leave Portland with a job offer, if possible. Doesn't that seem like the best thing to do? But at the same time I don't know what could possibly happen in New York! Maybe I'll fall in love with the city, or with my job, or (heaven forbid) the man of my dreams. And then will I really want an obligation to come back to Portland -- for as wonderful and rainy and full of memories as it is? Maybe I should just let Portland be that - a wonderful and rainy memory... Or maybe not.

It just seemed like too much of everything fell into place too perfectly last summer to have been a coincidence. And perhaps it served its own purpose... One that doesn't or won't really extend into the future.Maybe I'm not supposed to end up in Portland or New York. Maybe I'm supposed to end up in Seattle or Salt Lake or... Sri Lanka. How should I know?

Any thoughts?

-The Appleseed Cast-

1 comment:

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