Wednesday, October 11, 2006

You Speak My Language

I spent the weekend in London. London is just brilliant! I love it's combination of reckless absurdity and flawless charm. I think we covered all of the major highlights of the city, but we also discovered some of the things that the common tourist may not know about this fine English community. For example:

The famous red phone booths are not only functional (and decorative) they are also used occasionally as outhouses. Hence the atrocious smell which forces callers to phone from outside the booth.
Some people in London like to wear blue velour suits. The reflective quality helps to keep cars driving on the left-side of the road at bay.Aslan lives in Trafalgar Square, and actually is a quadruplet!The taxis are one style, but many colors. You can recognize them easily. They are all driving on the left side of the road.
Ben and Jerry's is twice as big as it is in America. What's up with that? It's Vermont's finest, not... Devonshire's finest.Some of the men in London like to pretend that they are seeing something spectacular while just sitting on an ordinary park bench. They often pose like this in order for tourists to take photos.
The benches at St. Martins In The Fields are not made for sitting. They are made for kneeling only.Dogs are not man's best friend. Pigeons are.
Pigeons are destructive, not only to statues and buildings, but also to people. That is why pointy hats have become necessary. No pigeons landing on this girl's head!The Thames River contains spit from visitors worldwide. Including my friend Ryan.
Subway does not mean subway or metro as we know it in America. Instead, it means, well, subway - an underground (sub) walk (way). Those Brits are clever!Saturday night's cast of Raoul, Christine, and the Phantom were played by understudies. The real stars were in the audience, but could be met for autographs and impromptu performances before the show.If you live in Notting Hill or the surrounding area, you are required to hang a plant next to your front door.If you're staying in a hotel, regardless of how cute the facade is, the inside can be sketchy. And if you are paying less than 20 pounds a night for your bed (even if it's in a room with two other friends and a Latvian stranger) it's bound to have some mystery stains.If you ever lose an eye, you can find a chestnut in Hyde Park and use it as a replacement. Then maybe if someone wants to compliment you they can tell you that you have beautiful chestnut eyes . And they won't be lying.This photo was actually inspired by a photo of John Lennon that can be viewed at the National Portrait Gallery.You can buy your child a functional mini-hummer at Harrod's for about the same price as a real one. That way you can teach your child the value of hard work and discipline from a young age.If you're in the mood for jumping off a bridge, it's best not to do it here. The water in Hyde Park is quite shallow and you'd probably just break your legs.The coolest thing about London Bridge is probably this sign. And the song that goes with it. But really, in person, not that cool.But all that London Bridge has in fame and lacks in coolness, is made up for by the oft-confused-as-London-Bridge Tower Bridge.
The end.

-Collective Soul-

4 comments:

Amanda said...

Looks like you had a nice time! I also enjoyed your humor.

Mooney said...

I want a blue velour suit.

Kendra said...

I loved the pictures and your witty comments! ;) Have I told you lately how much I miss Europe?

Erika and Mason said...

i love the idea of teaching work ethic to children by buying them mini-mini hummers. I'm sure you sensed that to be a common teaching practice in NYC as well :)

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