Feel Good Lost

The above photo is probably a pretty accurate representation of how I've spent the holidays: unimpressively (and unimpressedly) looking for a job. Perhaps it would have been wise to take some time to relax, but I didn't want to miss any good opportunities, so I started the hunt as soon as I got home from Europe (which, by the way, I secretly miss infinitely). The response to my search has left me optimistic about actually getting a job, but slightly distraught about getting the right job. Between applications, cover letters, resumes and interviews I've decided that I might have some commitment issues.

Two days ago as I was driving home from an interview that took a lot longer than anticipated, I felt like things had gone pretty well. There was mutual interest, but when they called me back only hours later for a second interview - which happened today- I was pretty skeptical. I feel good about taking things slow and I don't want to get into anything too fast that I might regret later. I would not consent to marry someone after only going on one or two dates with them, but somehow I'm expected to make a decision about how I'll spend the majority of my waking hours each day after a 40-minute interrogation.

While I have some inherent moral opposition to looking around after you've committed yourself to a relationship, I somehow feel alright about taking a job to get by and keeping my eyes wide open. At the same time, I feel like doing so would be just as deplorable as deciding to date someone that you've already determined you're going to break up with in three months. I wonder if e-mail is considered a kosher way to terminate employment. Hmm...

I wish I had better things to say about the job hunt. I can only hope that after dozens of disappointing interviews, I will find myself with an offer that doesn't seem to require too much convincing or rationalization. I sincerely hope that I am not naive to think that something will eventually just feel right.

-Broken Social Scene-